jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
