They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
