I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize