We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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