awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
