Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
