i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
