My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize