I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
