He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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