Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
