The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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