Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
