the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
