even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
