if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
