I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
