weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
