if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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