i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize