we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
