THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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