I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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