I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
