Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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