HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
