as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
