you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize