Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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