1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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