Non-Jews are for practice
she smelled like a LAN party
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
