Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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