he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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