ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
