This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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