This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
