cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
