A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
