whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
