hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
