I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
