Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
