please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
