We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
