Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
