I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
