If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
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