my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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