Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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