He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize