dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
