There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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