I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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