from now on my penis is your penis
I think my vagina is haunted
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
