Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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