i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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