She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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