I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
