Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
