from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
