That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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