i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Randomize
