Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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