A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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