This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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