Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
