now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
