You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
