hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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